Six days away from going to Niger.
I picked up my friend from the airport tonight, and she told me she has been accepted and is now an SIM missionary. Go, Alexis~~!!
It then dawned on me that I'll be going to Africa with the said missionary in six days. She is still my friend, and I know on a practical level every disciple of Christ has been "sent" to share gospel (the mission) with the rest of the world, but somehow that thought shook me.
How surreal that I would be traveling with a missionary?
She said, "No, you're one, too."
I told her I didn't feel like one.
Who do I think a missionary is? What do I think she looks like?
It's not a play on words, but it certain feels like these nouns carry different weights of burden for me tonight: Christian, disciple of Christ, missionary....
I realized the reason these words sound so unnatural and distant to me right now is because I still have not surrendered myself to the lordship of Christ on my life.
I mean, no matter how "servant-like" I aim to be, no matter how much I want to be well-trained to serve "the under-served", no matter how "good of a Christian" I hope to be... it's still ultimately framed around "how I want MY life." Is Jesus really my God, or is He an adviser and steward (in charge of the provisions), with me having the final say in how things should go in my life? It's frightening to realize how much control I had held on to.
If my actions and way of life reflect I'm treating Jesus, the Lord of lords and the King of kings, as my steward, then I have a big problem. I'm not living a life worthy of the name Christian, of being called a disciple of Christ, or of the gravity of a missionary, and I need to change. It'll be a growing process and only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit, but I pray this is a beginning in the right direction.
Dr. Rick Donlon once said during a talk in Global Missions Health Conference, "Instead of bringing your agenda, ask Christ for His and ask to be a part of it." If we are stubborn about wanting our own design for our lives, "All you give up to get your little dreams in the King of the Universe."
That, obviously, would not be wise.
So, Lord Jesus, you have shaped me and known me. What is Your agenda, and where do you see me fit in?
*For those who don't know this, DTR stands for "define the relationship", which I don't think it's a coincidence the timing of this realization happened after I just read chapter one of not a fan. by Kyle Idleman two days ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment